Transcript generated from the episode’s automatic captions. Speaker names are not identified, and automatic captioning may misspell names and terminology. Please refer to the video for the authoritative version.

I want to thank you for joining us on today’s episode of the Cancer Project podcast. We’re really privileged to have Payton Washington here with us. Um she is the daughter of the first employee of the Oklahoma Proton Center, Jenny Washington. Um and Jenny was had to go through cancer not once but twice in her life. And unfortunately she passed away from a very aggressive uh brain tumor a few years ago. Um and Payton went through that from the perspective of a daughter. and she was very gracious enough to agree to come and talk to us today about her mom and just what it’s like being a kid walking through a parent going through cancer.

So Payton, thank you for joining us today. Thanks for having me. I’m excited. So Payton, you uh you live here in Oklahoma. You were a nurse. Yes. So to talk a little bit about what you’re doing now, I think you said you work at uh Bethany Children’s Hospital. Yes. I started my nursing career as LPN at Bethany Children’s while doing my RN program and I loved it so much. I love the kids and what they stand for and everything there. So yes, I am coming on two years at Bethany Children’s. Okay. When when you were in let’s say high school, did you know what you wanted to do for a career?

Were you thinking like I’m going to get into healthcare or was that when when did you figure out that that’s what you wanted to do? I think I’ve always wanted to be in healthcare because of my mom and how she helped people and how much she loved it. And I took an anatomy course in high school and that’s kind of what sparked my interest in nursing. Okay. And then obviously seeing my mom in the hospital and the nurses that cared for her kind of really pushed me to it’s like this is what I want to do. Yeah. Well, that’s that’s amazing. So then you have a son.

So tell us about your son. Weston is five. He loves baseball and probably loves U football more than all of us. Okay. We um grew up going to home games with our parents since we were, you know, 2, three years old. Yeah. So, we passed that down to him and he’s a big U football guy and um is he and he’s been to games? Yes. Okay. He’s I think he went to his first game when he was two. Oh, did he really? Okay. So he got hooked from the start and he loves U football. He’s going to be in kindergarten and just a fun guy.

Great person. So he’s going to kindergarten. Yes. Are you like, “Oh my gosh, I have a kindergartener. ” Yes. It’s, you know, it’s public school now. Okay. So that’s a big change, but I’m excited for him, but it’s it’s crazy to get to this point and watch how much he’s grown. Yeah. That’s Yeah, that’s amazing. He’s super cute. Thank you. You guys love uh I know you guys love going out to the lake, too. It seems like he’s like a a water kid. Oh, yeah, for sure. So, um and then tell us about your family. You have three younger siblings. I do. I’m the oldest of four.

Yep. My brother is Thomas. He’s 23. He um is in the oil field doing his starting his career out there. The next one is Maggie. She just turned 22. Okay. So, we just celebrated her birthday this past week. She just graduated from Arkansas. Okay. And she’s going to be a third grade teacher this coming school year. And Olivia is the youngest. She is 20 and she is a she’s going to start her junior year at OU. Okay. So I think she wants to do um public relations. Okay. So yeah, she’s doing very well in college. What So give me one word to describe each of your siblings.

So let’s start with Thomas. Thomas. Um, I would say, and it can be a phrase, too. I I won’t hold you to one word. Thomas is simple. Simple. Okay. She’s very simple. Yeah. Maggie, I’m going use a phrase for her. She’s down to earth. Okay. Yeah. And Olivia, the first thing that comes to mind is spontaneous. Okay. Yeah, I could see that. And so, uh, then what do you think they would say about you? Um, they would say h Well, I’m the oldest and so Okay. Oh gosh, that’s hard. Probably independent. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, that’s a good one. Yeah, that’s a good that’s a good trait.

Independent. Yeah. Were you like a caretaker for them growing up or were you I would say yes. Yeah. Yeah. I I watched them a lot and I felt like I was a motherly figure to them. So Yeah. Yeah. That’s great. So, um, let’s talk about Jenny. Let’s talk about your mom. So, I just to lay a little bit of groundwork. So, I started working at the Proton Center in 2010. And she was obviously here. She was a doymmetrist at the time. Um, I’m trying to think. So, 2010. I’ I’ve got to do some quick math. How old would you have been? I would have been 11.

11. Okay. So, you were 11. Uh, and she started here in 200 I guess the center opened in 2009, right? Yeah. So, and she was employee number one here. Um, that’s a good fact to know. I didn’t know that. Yeah, she was the first employee that got hired. And then, uh, yeah, her and then Nikki White, if you remember Nikki, um, I think she was employee number two. But, um, so she was a doymmetrist and then, uh, she eventually became director of operations and then VP of operations. Um, but then even before that, she had been a radiation therapist. Uh, so that was back before she was a doymmetrist.

So, she’s actually treating patients. Yeah. What did you like growing up, what were you kind of aware of in terms of her job and what she did on a day-to-day basis? Um, it was kind of like I knew she was treating cancer patients. I didn’t know at the time. time. I didn’t know exactly what that consisted of, but I knew she dealt with um radiation and she mapped out the dosage to treat that cancer. Um so yeah, that’s as a kid, that’s kind of what I knew my mom as. Yeah. Well, and then and then as you get older, you’re in high school, you’re thinking, maybe I want to go into healthcare.

Did it kind of start to Did you become more more aware of like what she was doing? Yeah, I did. Or where she was working? Yes, she brought us to the Proton Center several times to, you know, do tours and show us exactly, you know, the machines and what everyone used on a day-to-day basis. So, the older I got, the more I definitely understood like what her job role was. Yeah. Did she ever talk about why she went into the field of cancer? She did. So, she had um a benign tumor as a young girl. I want to say she was eight or 10. Yeah.

and she got radiation treatment for that. And I think that’s what sparked her interest into doing her career. Yeah. Was what she went through as a little girl and um ultimately just helping people. Yeah. So your mom I think that’s a good way to describe your mom that she was really about helping people. So, I mean, build build on that or how would you maybe how would you describe your mom to somebody else who asked? What what was what was your mom? What was Jenny like? Jenny was the sweetest person ever. Never held a grudge, patient, slow to anger. I mean, just overall like exactly the kind of mom and role model that you want to look up to.

Yeah. very um chill and you know just kind of goes with the flow and and loves everyone and kindness to everyone. What What are some fun things that you remember doing with her? Cuz she liked to have a good time too. Yeah, she did. So, what are what are some fun things that you remember doing with her maybe in growing up or in high school? Uh Jenny loved to shop. Okay. So, you know, she would work all week and on the weekends she would go shopping and we would get our nails done together and just simple things like that. And then for family vacations, Lake, we love going to the lake and Hot Springs, Arkansas was like our place growing up.

That’s where her grandparents raised her as as a little girl. So, um, any place by the water she loved to be and she loved to shop and and travel. Travel. Yeah. Yes. You guys like to travel? Yes. Uh what is there a trip that stands out to you that you remember? Like a vacation that you guys took or we we all went to our first beach trip together in Orange Beach. I want to say that was 2015 2016. Okay. So that was a trip that you know we all all our kids went to the beach for the first time and um it was a really good trip.

I think we went back a couple more times after that. Did you? Okay. But yeah. What um what did you remember about her as a mom? Like you’re a mom now. What are some things that you take from your mom that you apply being a mom now? Um patience. Okay. Um like I said, slow to anger. She she kind of let me grow up as my own person and kind of let me figure things out, but always showed me love and compassion and understanding. Um, and one thing is, um, just don’t don’t do to others what you wouldn’t want done to yourself. That’s kind of a big thing that she she stood for.

Yeah. Just treat everyone how you would want to be treated. And even if you know they treat you poorly, still show them love and compassion. Yeah. And I think I mean, you could definitely say that about Jenny for sure. So, what was she like as a grandom? Oh my gosh. Um, I think that was her favorite role. Being a nana was her favorite role. Um, I remember telling her when I found out I was pregnant. She I wasn’t really scared to tell her. Yeah. Cuz I knew she would be understanding, but I was still kind of, you know, nervous. But she was so excited. She was And she told me, she actually told me she had a dream.

Really? before I told her, she had a dream that um I was pregnant. Oh wow. So that was really crazy to hear, but she was super excited. She loves Weston and made her own nursery in her house for him. So Well, I mean, I remember when she told us up at the Proton Center that she was going to be a grandom, she was very excited. Yeah. I think you guys threw her a baby shower. We did. We threw her a baby shower and uh we knew that she was going to be extremely involved with Weston and with you. She was Yeah. She was very uh Yeah, she just was excited to play that role for sure.

Yes. Um are there uh is there something that she liked to do with Weston that you remember? Like what did you what were what’s something that was kind of like this was like what her and Weston did together? I think she just enjoyed me dropping him off at her house and she kind of took over from there. Um she had a pool in her backyard, so they always swam. Yeah. Um yeah, I think just really, hey, can you drop Won off for the weekend? Like we’d love to have him. So just simply him being there is is all she really wanted. No, it really was.

It was it was fun to see because a lot of people, you know, they they raise kids and they’re, you know, the kids start to get out of the house and they start to get older and they’re like, I want my weekends to myself or I want to go travel and I don’t have to worry about kids. But she was really like, you know what? I want to spend time doing hanging out with Weston. Absolutely. So, she definitely made a point to that for sure. Yes, she did. So, um, do you remember because there was a and I I I want to brag on Jenny a little bit, but there was a point where there was a transition with the Proton Center kind of went through some tough things and the center closed actually closed down for a period of time and then we had to reopen.

Were you aware much of what was going on then or did your mom ever talk about like, hey, this works really hard right now or anything like that? I don’t remember a whole lot about that. I do remember just kind of snippets of a lot of stress. Yeah. And she was here for longer periods of time, late nights. Um, but yeah, it’s she put a lot of energy into her job and her career. So, I do remember a little bit, but um yeah, ultimately it was just stress, but I mean, she never really brought it home, you know. Well, it’s interesting that you would say that because that describes a little bit of her persona at work in the sense that um at this point, so this was 2018.

The center was going through some financial challenges. It looked like it might shut down or maybe there was going to be a buyer or maybe there wasn’t going to be a buyer. And she was the vice president of operations at that point and the president of the center actually lived in Tennessee. And so she really was the person on the ground who was running the day-to-day here. Um, and having to deal with some of the financial challenges and having to deal with these buyers that were potentially coming in. Um, and so she she was absorbing a lot of stress, but then the center still had to keep treating patients.

So you kind of had to separate like what’s happening behind the scenes with the front end and not let the clinical staff or the patients see some of that stress behind the scenes. So yeah, I mean her ability to kind of separate the two and it sounds like she did that a little bit with you guys where it’s like I’m not going to bring all this stress home and let it impact life at the house. Absolutely. Yeah, that’s Yeah, that’s amazing. So um and you have an Oklahoma Proton Center shirt on. I do. You said you went through the closet and tracked that down. She has a lot of procure proton shirts.

So yeah. And you still live at her house? I do. Yeah. Yeah. is that how has that been being there the last couple years? I think overall it’s been comforting. Yeah, more than anything. Um it’s tough. It’s it’s a lot of house to upkeep and um but it’s it’s ultimately been like my home. Like we were there we’ve been there for 14 years. Okay. And a lot of memories there and Yeah. Weston’s kind of grown up there. Yeah. Yes. So comforting and but also hard. Yeah. A lot of memories and Yeah. What? Um, so then let’s talk a little bit about just your mom getting diagnosed with cancer.

What What do you remember about those moments in time? I remember leading up to the first ER trip, um I want to say a month or two is kind of when me and my sister really started noticing like subal changes in her um her memory, her focus, kind of her attitude. She was very like um flat effect, like didn’t really show a lot of emotion. you know, me and Wesson would come over for dinner and it was like she wasn’t really happy to see us, you know, just kind of just very different from her usual, right? You know, cheerful spirit. And um and then she started falling at home.

My my sis, my youngest sister was living there at the time. And I remember Olivia would text me and be like, “Mom just fell. ” Yeah. You know, in the laundry room and hurt herself. Like what’s going on with her? So just little things here and there that we started noticing. And then I remember um someone from her work her work reached out to me and said, “Hey, I’m really worried about your mom. Someone had to drive her home today cuz she couldn’t drive and we’re just really worried about her, you know. ” And so I let her husband know. I let Tony know. And Tony kind of told me, you know, I’ve been noticing changes, too.

she’s not the same person, she’s acting weird, you know, all these things. And so I think what ultimately we’ve been kind of keeping an eye on her for a few days, you know, and I think what ultimately made Tony take her to the ER was she was vomiting just Okay. Wow. All night, all morning vomiting. So they went to the um ER right by our house and I think they did a CT and that’s when they discovered the the tumor in her brain. Right. And so that was just a shock to all of us. She was at St. Anony’s, one of the smaller hospitals. Um and they transferred her to the downtown location and kind of did more in-depth tests and scans and stuff.

And seeing that scan on the computer was like insane. Yeah. To wrap your head around like what is that? Yeah. Um so yeah. So you saw the scan on the computer. Yeah. Did you I mean what what were you thinking at that point in time? I mean how how were you processing what you were seeing? It was it was just unbelievable. It was it it was like what is this? You know, honestly, the first thing that came to my mind was not cancer. A tumor, yes, but cancerous, not really, right? It was just like very of like a foreign object that I’m looking at, you know, it was a big It was a big tumor.

It was like the size of a golf ball. Yeah. So, it was no words really. Yeah. And so, then what what happens from that point? So they’ve you’ve done a CT scan, she’s having some symptoms. Um there’s obviously this tumor. What what happens after that? So I think she was talking to some doctors at St. St. Anony’s and you know she knows so many physicians from from here and right she was in contact with a lot of physicians and ultimately they recommended her to go to OU to get treated. They knew a really good neurosurgeon there. I forget his name, but ultimately she transferred to OU to have surgery and her surgery was within 5 days of the ER visit, the scans and then surgery 5 days later, right?

So that was when our hope started, you know, lighting up like she knows so many amazing people and providers and stuff that can get her into the right place. So, um, we just felt like we were in good hands there. Yeah. At OU and then, um, had her surgery and kind of just carried on from there. Yeah. So, I I remember going to visit her right before the surgery at OU because you’re right, this all happened really fast, right? And we um and somebody had called you from work, so we had kind of been noticing some physical changes at work like it didn’t she just didn’t seem like herself, right?

Um, and then we had heard about I think we had heard that maybe she had fallen. Um, and so and and the symptoms came on really fast, too. Um, and they got worse really fast. And so then you kind of have this very rushed scenario where she gets imaging, she’s at the hospital, and I, like I said, I remember going to see her. I can’t remember if it was the day before uh or two days before, but it was right before the surgery and she was definitely like I think it was like she could hardly move her left arm and her like she was basically couldn’t walk at that point like very symptomatic um because of the pressure from the tumor in her brain.

And I what I I don’t remember is if she if she was fully aware of the extent of what was happening like because it was all kind of just happening so fast and she was on a lot of medication. Um but but they did the surgery. Um she comes out of surgery and fortunately the surgery relieved a lot of the symptoms pretty quick like she got movement back in her after a few days got movement back in her on her left side and um some of the other things. But what what do you kind of remember about the days the few days after because you were up there seeing her?

Yeah. She had actually went home that same day. Um so the surgery she went home the same day. Okay. And like you said, it was immediate relief. She got her feeling back. It was her left side that started going numb. Um just a night and day difference from that tumor being removed and she felt better than she has in months. Yeah. I remember before the ER visit, I kind of noticed, you know, the changes and I had asked her, I was like, “Mom, are you okay? ” Yeah. I was thinking like stroke or something, right? Just because of her slurring and her left side was kind of droopy.

Um, and I remember her telling me like, “I would know if something’s wrong with me. ” [snorts] Um, and that just that phrase just stands out to me because like how do you know that you have glyopblasto? Right. Um so yeah but after surgery immediate relief. Yeah. At what point did you become aware of the severity of the tumor itself? So I remember after the surgery it had got sent off to be biopsied. Yeah. And they didn’t really know if it like what kind of tumor it was. I want to say a few days later, she had called all his us kids over and told us that it was cancer and um [clears throat] it still didn’t really hit us.

Yeah. We still didn’t really understand and we just kind of like had hope because you know she worked in this cancer center and she knew all about radiation and chemo and like she’s been through this before. So we were very hopeful that like she’s gonna beat this and glyobblasto at the time like none of us understood how um impactful and deadly it was. Yeah. So, I remember uh one of her really good friends up here, Dena, um they before they got the results of the biopsy back, they looked at the scans and I remember Dena was actually the one who told me this that they looked at the scan and they were both doymmetrists by training and so they had looked at literally thousands of scans and images And they said, Dena said, we both knew when we looked at it what it was, like we didn’t have to wait to get the results of the biopsy back.

Um, and so that’s already something that she’s having to process. What So, so she tells you guys that she’s got cancer and then she finds out that it’s glyopblast. when did it kind of or how did it kind of become real just how serious that particular type of cancer is? Um, I tried my best not to research it a lot at the time and when I did I it was just like a sunken feeling like this you know prognosis is 15 months um from diagnosis to survival and it was just a lot of like yes I was researching it and looking it up but at the same time I was just trying to find hope and faith that like she will get better treatment and do these trials and you know fight this off.

Um so it was it was a lot of denial but also like you said she knew in that moment before even getting the results back she kind of knew. Yeah. Um, but she was just really good about staying like hopeful that maybe there’s a trial out there that will prolong my my life. Yeah. Did did the two of you have any conversations about what she was about to go through or like how much was how much were you guys like, you know what, let’s just not talk about this. Mhm. Versus how much did you sit down and just have a one-on-one conversation with your mom and get real about the whole thing?

Yeah, there weren’t a whole lot of those moments. Yeah, I I remember a few distinct ones, but you know, she did treatment and she did these trials for from April to January. Mhm. Um and so a lot of that was just fighting and hoping and like we’re going to get through this. Yeah. And then, you know, um Christmas that year, she had a couple days after Christmas, she had a really dramatic seizure that kind of brought that numbness back to her left side. Um and from January to when she passed is kind of when everything hit. Yeah. Like this is really taking over. And as much as she wants to fight and prolong it and do all these treatments, like it’s at this point it’s taking over.

Yeah. And she did fight for um a while after that after like that big seizure. She was still doing I think her trial was over with it was the OKN 007 trial. Yeah. So you still remember the the letters and my sister had to remind me but Yeah. I know it was some kind of trial. Yeah. And then after that she was taking a vasten. Okay. Y um but yeah she just fought as long as she could and like I said just that’s what we were hope like clinging on to. You know she would always keep give us updates and like I’m going to treatment and this is what’s happening.

You know they they showed no new growth on the tumor on my scans today. Yeah. So just little hopeful updates. Yeah. up until that one seizure that kind of is when everything started going downhill. Yeah. What was the relationship like with your siblings watching your mom go through this? Um we were we were all kind of in survival mode and it was kind of hard to talk about it just us, you know, cuz our main priority was just making sure mom was okay, you know. Um my sister Maggie was at college. Um she came down as much as she could and spent the summer with us before she started her sophomore year I believe.

Um but it was just a lot of like survival mode. Yeah. Really? Yeah. And um just making sure we spend as much time and make memories as we can. Yeah. So talk a little bit about that because um one thing I do remember you know she she gets this diagnosis and we work at a cancer center so we’re everybody understood very early on the severity of her diagnosis. Um and of course everybody has a different opinion about how you’re supposed to respond. Uh and certainly I mean from a treatment standpoint she did everything like she had like you said she had access to every possible resource.

She explored all the clinical trials. She went and talked to doctors at Mayo Clinic. She had an incredible team doing everything they possibly could. Yeah. So that’s one side. That’s the clinical side. But then there’s the like just living life side. Mhm. Um, and she I remember she stayed up here working for a while and and I remember having a conversation with her and I was I was like, “Well, you know what? You don’t have to keep coming up here like nobody nobody’s going to hold it against you if you say I’m going to go do other stuff like regardless of what the ultimate outcome ends up being.

” But she was so passionate about the people that worked up here and she was so passionate about the patients that got treated here. Yeah. That for her it was like, well, if I if I only have a little bit of time left, like this is one of the ways that I want to pour myself out. Like I want to continue to invest in my co-workers, people that I’ve worked with for a long time and the patients that are coming in here and do everything I can to help them. So she kept coming up here to work and doing everything and like just pouring herself into the job and it was really it really was amazing to see her do that.

Um and then there was a point where it really like it seemed like maybe the treatments weren’t going to work the way that everybody hoped and there really was a very finite amount of time left and she did say okay well now maybe there’s a few things on the bucket list that I’m going to go do and some of it a lot of it was involved you guys. So, yeah. What are some of the things that you remember over those last maybe 6 months that you guys did together that are just core memories that are going to stick with you the rest of your life?

Well, one trip she did take with her sisters to New York City. She went and saw Neil Diamond, like a musical or something. And everyone knows that knows Jenny knows she loves Neil Diamond. So, that was on her bucket list. She went with her sisters. And then we all took a family trip to Colorado Springs. That was one place she loved. And we got to spend quality time together there. But it was such a short amount of time to do all the things that she wanted to do. Yeah. Um but I’m I’m confident that she did get, you know, quality time with us. And I think that’s what she wanted most was just more time with her family, you know.

So the little trips we took here and there just together was like just the cherry on top. Yeah. Yeah. No, that’s amazing. So then the last kind of month or two, as much as you feel comfortable, just talk about the reality of of what that was like for you and the family. And and I say that not to necessarily bring up really hard memories, but there may be somebody listening today that’s kind of thinking ahead or prepping, right? They have a family member that got diagnosed with this. And then how did you kind of just what was it like and how did you just get through those la that last month or two?

Um, wow. I remember the last month is when it it got really bad. She was I mean she had been bedbound since probably March March to June. She had been bed bound and just numb on that left side. And um I remember she had had another seizure like in May and Maggie was home for the summer and I’m I’m really glad Maggie was there cuz we all took her to the hospital. We took her back to OU cuz you know there’s not much we can really do at home. We didn’t have home health at the time or hospice or anything like that. Um so that last trip to the hospital and they told us like I think it’s it’s time for hospice like it’s just kind of taken over at this point.

But I mean, at the time it was like it still didn’t click, you know? It was still like, what do you mean like hospice and she has a DNR bracelet and you know, she’s getting I think a nurse was coming two or three times a week. Um, giving her comfort meds and stuff and um [clears throat] I think she she had stopped like communicating. Yeah. The the last week. But I mean each day she just got weaker and weaker. She would sleep longer and at this point she you know had a foley and just basically 100% bed bound. So um that was it was really hard to accept and and looking back it’s I try not to regret our mom’s care and what we did for her cuz I know we were all doing our best and what we knew at the time.

But um there are a lot of moments where I just wish I could go back and make her more comfortable or, you know, do a little more for her because it was it was just a really hard time for Yeah. all of us kids. Yeah. Um I was still in nursing school, Olivia was a senior, you know, Maggie was still in college. And it was just a lot a lot of different um whatifs. Yeah. Looking back, but I know at the time we did spend a lot of time with her in in her room and by her side and you know giving her massages and playing her favorite music and of course taking Won to visit her and Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So just being with her. Yeah. There was a point too where we made a decision here at the Proton Center that we were going to create an award that in [clears throat] her honor. Um, and honestly, it’s it’s one of those things that we probably should have done earlier than we did. Um, so we created the Jenny Washington Award and the intent and purpose of the award was to honor an employee who personified and exemplified her spirit, her attitude, her courage, her compassion, everything that made her a special person and everything that she did to kind of hold the team together through some really tough times here at the Proton Center.

Um, and so and she got the first award. Um, and you were gracious enough to be on and help accept that award. Do you remember doing that that call? I do. Yeah, I do. It was on my phone. It was on the team’s app. And I’m grateful that you guys, you know, brought brought that all together cuz um she was aware and awake for that. And I think she knew those were the the last days. So, she wasn’t very communicative, but um she definitely knew. She opened her eyes and I think she knew 1,000% that you guys how much you guys loved her and in return she loved the Proton Center.

Yeah. So [clears throat] she was amazing person. Um so then talk about uh just the memories that were shared at the funeral. Um that was at the country club I think. Were you working at the country club there at the time? And I I I thought it was amazing because it was really hot. Uh it was in the summer in Oklahoma and there were so many people that came out there was uh even though it was really hot and there were people from multiple periods of time in her life. Um so what did you just remember about that experience of of getting together and seeing all these people come out to honor your mom?

I still remember it as one of the best days ever. It was such a perfect day. Um, [clears throat] it got thrown together really quickly, but I think it turned out amazing. You had to do a lot of the help planning it. Yeah. Yeah. And I was lucky enough to be working there at the time. Yeah. Um, and so we got that big old ballroom and all the food and flowers and it was just seeing all those people show up for her. It really just put into perspective. Like I remember someone telling me there were cars lined down the the street like miles. Yeah. Because of how many people showed up and as much as you know there weren’t even enough seats Yeah.

for everyone was standing up. There’s so many people. Yeah. People were even inside during the service cuz there was nowhere to be. But it was a really special day. And um I know she wanted a celebration of life rather than your typical memorial service. And I think that’s exactly what it was. It was celebrating Jenny and what kind of person she was. Yeah. And just so much love around. Are there days now, you know, it’s been a little bit of a period of time, but are there days now where things kind of hit differently, whether it’s a happy memory or something sad, like how are you how do you kind of process everything now, a couple years later?

Yeah. I think [clears throat] just knowing what she instilled in us kids, um like we’re all off to college and starting careers and very successful and as much as you know we want her here seeing that um just knowing that you know she raised us and you know instilled in us so much grit and grace. Um, it is hard with without her. Yeah. Watching these moments, but just knowing that she’s painfree and in a better place is ultimately what brings peace to us that she’s somewhere very proud and she’s still giving us all the signs and yeah, everything makes us think of her and Yeah.

You know, so you can still feel that presence. Absolutely. Was it a little bit surreal walking back into the Proton Center today? It was. Yeah, it was. I felt her immediately. Yeah. You know, she I I was up only up here a handful of times through her career cuz we lived south OKC. So, it’s kind of a trip up here, but yeah, I immediately felt her presence and um it was it just felt safe. It felt like, you know, she she’s been here hundreds of times. Yeah. you know, a lot of a lot of memories and miracles happened here. So, yeah, it feels good to be back in here.

I have two more questions for you. Okay. Um, so one, what advice would you have for somebody else that’s in your situation where they have a parent and especially a parent, I mean, Jenny was not that old when she got a terminal brain tumor. What advice would you have for a kid having to go through that like what you had to go go through? I would say um just everything you want to ask your parent about their life or their memories, ask them now. There’s a lot of stuff I wish I would have asked my mom and heard from her personally. And spend as much time as you can with them.

I mean friends can wait, hangouts can wait, maybe not work, but as much time as you can be with them, be with them and show so much love and tell them how much you love them. So I asked you at the beginning to use one word to describe your siblings and then one word that they would use to describe you. What is one word or phrase that you would use to describe your mom? My mom. And you don’t have to limit it to one word if you don’t. Okay. Um, the first word that comes to mind is graceful. Yeah, graceful. Yeah. Yeah, that’s a perfect word.

Yeah, I love it. Thank you so much, Payton. I know this wasn’t easy and I really appreciate you coming to honor your mom like this and just share a little bit about your experience. I know it’s going to help somebody else who’s listening today having to go through what you had to go through a couple years ago. Yeah. Thank you for having me. Yeah. The Cancer Project podcast is made possible by the Oklahoma Proton Center, a state-of-the-art cancer center where precision and treatment meets real compassion in care. We’re grateful for their support and for you for spending this time with us. If you’d like to learn more about the Oklahoma Proton Center, you can visit their website at the link below.

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