Time Softens the Edges: How Cancer Impacts Family
Episode Summary
When Leo Burton was diagnosed with rhabdomyosarcoma at just 12 months old, his family’s world changed overnight. In this deeply moving episode, David Raubach speaks with Leo’s mother Abby and his older sister Hattie — who was only three years old when her baby brother began his cancer journey. Now a teenager living in Devon, UK, Hattie joins her mom on the podcast for her very first interview, and together they offer a rare dual perspective on what it means to grow up in the shadow of a sibling’s illness — and on the other side of it.
Abby takes us back to March 2015, when a routine visit to the GP about a distended tummy set in motion a terrifying sequence of events. Within days, the family had a diagnosis, a tumor on Leo’s bladder, and the weight of an impossible decision. Standard treatment in the UK at the time would have meant removing Leo’s bladder entirely — with profound consequences for a little boy who had not yet learned to walk. Their oncologist at Bristol Children’s Hospital, Dr. Merle, introduced them to a different path: proton therapy at the Oklahoma Proton Center. For a young couple who had never heard the words “proton therapy” and had certainly never been to Oklahoma, it was, as Abby puts it, a leap of faith.
What they found when they arrived was something they hadn’t expected: warmth. Warmth from the staff, warmth from the other families gathered from across the world — families who, like them, had crossed oceans for a chance to preserve their child’s quality of life. Abby describes the community that formed among those families as one of the lasting gifts of an otherwise terrifying experience. Ten years on, those friendships remain. The episode’s title, “Time Softens the Edges,” comes from Abby’s own words — her honest reflection that the fear never fully disappears, but that with distance comes perspective, and with perspective comes the ability to see the gifts buried inside the hardship.
Hattie, now 13, speaks with a quiet wisdom about growing up knowing Leo’s story. She remembers almost nothing from the time he was sick — a swimming pool, a few faces, nothing concrete — but she knows the story well, and it has shaped who she is. She describes feeling protective of Leo and deeply aware of how precious life is. It is a remarkable thing to witness: a teenager who has never known a version of her family that wasn’t marked by cancer, and who has somehow grown into that history with grace rather than grief. This episode is, ultimately, a story about what families carry — and how they learn, slowly and together, to carry it with love.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
- Diagnosis: Leo Burton was diagnosed with rhabdomyosarcoma — a soft tissue cancer — at 12 to 13 months old after his mother noticed a distended abdomen and brought him to their GP.
- Tumor Location: The mass was located on Leo’s bladder, and standard UK treatment at the time would have required surgical removal of the bladder — a devastating outcome for an infant.
- Proton Therapy Referral: Dr. Merle at Bristol Children’s Hospital recommended proton therapy at the Oklahoma Proton Center as an alternative that could target the tumor while preserving Leo’s bladder and quality of life.
- International Treatment Journey: The Burton family traveled from Devon, England to Oklahoma City for Leo’s proton therapy — one of many families from across Europe and the world who made the same journey.
- Sibling Experience: Hattie was three years old when Leo was in treatment and has only fragmentary memories of the experience — yet Leo’s story has profoundly shaped her sense of life’s value and her closeness to her brother.
- Parenting Through Crisis: Abby reflects on the extraordinary emotional and practical challenge of supporting a critically ill infant while also trying to maintain normalcy for a three-year-old who simply wanted her parents home.
- Community in Unexpected Places: The Oklahoma Proton Center became a place of connection for families facing similar diagnoses from around the world, and many of those bonds — formed in the waiting rooms and corridors of a cancer center — have lasted more than a decade.
- “Time Softens the Edges”: Abby’s phrase captures the lived reality of life after pediatric cancer — the fear does not vanish, but it transforms over time into something more manageable, and space opens up to recognize the unexpected gifts the experience brought.
- Advice for New Families: Abby urges parents newly navigating a pediatric cancer diagnosis not to lose hope, to ask every question, to seek out specialists, and to consider all options — even those that require traveling far from home.
- Gratitude to Caregivers: Abby closes with a heartfelt message to the staff at the Oklahoma Proton Center, crediting them with giving Leo — and the whole Burton family — their future.
Ten years after a terrifying diagnosis changed everything, the Burton family stands as a testament to what courage, community, and extraordinary medicine can make possible. Abby and Hattie’s willingness to revisit this chapter of their lives — honestly, vulnerably, and with such generosity — is a gift to every family out there navigating their own impossible moment. If you are in that place right now, let their story remind you: the edges do soften. And on the other side of this, your child can grow up to argue with their older sister and call it close.
Full Transcript
Read Full Transcript
David Raubach: Hi, my name is David Raubach and I want to thank you for joining us today on today’s episode of the Cancer Project podcast. We’re very privileged to be able to talk to Abby and Hattie. Abby is the mom of a patient that was treated for a pediatric cancer 10 years ago at the Oklahoma Proton Center. And Hattie is his very sweet older sister. So we’re really looking forward to talking to them and hearing a little bit more about the journey that they went through with their son and brother being diagnosed with cancer. I want to thank you guys so much for joining us. So, why don’t you tell me your name, where you live, and how old you are.
Hattie: My name’s Hattie Burton. I live in Devon in the United Kingdom and I’m 13 years old. And this is my mom Abby — she lives with me in Devon.
David Raubach: Perfect. So Hattie, is this your first time on a podcast?
Hattie: Yes, it is.
David Raubach: Well, I think it’s going to be great and we’re looking forward to talking to you and talking to your mom. Is this your first time back in Oklahoma since you were here as a three-year-old, 10 years ago?
Hattie: Yeah. I don’t really remember being here before. I have like a couple of sort of random flashes of memory but nothing concrete. I just remember that there was a swimming pool, and I remember meeting some people but I can’t remember who.
David Raubach: For kids at three years old, those types of memories — kind of flash images — is probably about what you’d expect. So Abby, let’s start with you. You were a young mother when this all happened. I want to start from the very beginning, because I think a lot of our audience is going to relate to this story. What was life like before Leo got sick?
Abby: We were a young couple just getting started. We’d had Hattie — she was almost three — and then Leo came along in February 2014. It was just the beginning of family life. Young kids, busy life, trying to do everything you do when you’re a young family.
David Raubach: And then all of a sudden your world got turned upside down. When did you first know that something was wrong with Leo?
Abby: It was March 2015. Leo was 12, 13 months old. We’d noticed he had a slightly distended tummy, and I thought I’d just take him to the GP to get it checked out. The GP felt his tummy and referred us to the hospital. And the hospital — they were brilliant — they just kept us in, did scans, and that was that. It was rhabdomyosarcoma. They found a mass on his bladder.
David Raubach: And what did that feel like? As a mom.
Abby: I don’t know how to put it into words, to be honest. The thing I remember most vividly is just this sense of unreality — like this isn’t happening, this is somebody else’s story, not mine. It took a while to process. My husband James was probably more composed than me in that moment. I just kind of fell apart a little bit.
David Raubach: I think that’s a very natural reaction. You’re handed the worst news that any parent can hear.
Abby: And the other thing I remember — and this is slightly random — is just the practical stuff immediately kicking in. You suddenly have to think about what does this mean, what happens now, and how do I keep life as normal as possible for Hattie, who’s three years old and doesn’t really understand what’s going on?
David Raubach: That’s such a good point. You have two children — one is sick and one is not — and you have to try to maintain some semblance of normalcy for the other one.
Abby: Exactly. And that was really hard. When you’re at the hospital all day and all night, someone’s got to look after Hattie, and the poor little thing — she just wanted her mum and her dad.
David Raubach: You went through chemotherapy in the UK first, and then the decision was made to use proton therapy — which meant coming to Oklahoma. Can you walk me through that process and the decision to come here?
Abby: Our oncologist at Bristol Children’s Hospital, Dr. Merle, was absolutely phenomenal. She was very clear that if Leo had surgery — which was the standard treatment in the UK at the time — it would mean removing his bladder. And the implications of that for a little boy growing up were really significant. She said, “There is this other option — proton therapy. There’s a center in Oklahoma in America that has a lot of experience treating this type of tumor.” And she said she thought it was worth exploring. It was a leap of faith. I’d never heard of proton therapy. I’d certainly never been to Oklahoma.
David Raubach: And what happened when you arrived?
Abby: It was the most extraordinary experience. The thing that struck me immediately was the warmth of the people here — everyone was so warm. And the other thing that really struck me was the other families. There were families from all over the world — from the UK, from other countries in Europe — and we all found each other. There was this extraordinary support network that formed, and those friendships have become very deep. Even ten years later.
David Raubach: And you mentioned the title of this episode — “Time Softens the Edges.” Can you explain what you mean by that?
Abby: When you’re in it, it’s all so raw and so frightening. Every scan, every blood test, every doctor’s appointment — your heart is in your mouth. And then time passes, and the scans keep being clear, and the fear doesn’t go away completely — I don’t think it ever does — but it does soften. And you start to be able to look back on it with a little bit more perspective. You start to see the gifts that came out of it as well: the friends we made, the way it changed our priorities, the way it brought our family closer together.
David Raubach: Hattie, can I ask you — what is it like growing up as Leo’s older sister?
Hattie: I didn’t really know any different because I was only three when he was sick, so I don’t really remember it. But growing up knowing the story — I think it’s made me really aware of how precious life is. And I feel very protective of Leo.
David Raubach: And are you and Leo close?
Hattie: Yeah, we’re really close. We argue like any siblings do. But yeah, we’re really close.
David Raubach: I think that’s beautiful. Abby, is there a message that you would want to give to parents who are just at the beginning of this journey — maybe they’ve just had a diagnosis?
Abby: Don’t lose hope. I think that’s the most important thing. Because in those early days, it is so dark. But there is hope. The medicine has advanced so much, and there are people out there who really do care — who go above and beyond — and who will fight for your child. And I’d also say: ask the questions. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Seek out the experts. And if someone says there’s an option that might give your child a better chance — even if it means going somewhere different, even if it’s scary — consider it. Because for us, that was the best decision we ever made.
David Raubach: And what would you say to the people here at the Oklahoma Proton Center — to the staff who cared for Leo?
Abby: Thank you. Just — thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Because you gave Leo his life. You gave him the chance to grow up healthy and whole. And you gave our family the chance to have this future together. And that is the greatest gift that anyone has ever given us.
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