Turning Cancer and Addiction Into a Message of Hope: Stacy and Earle Haggard
Turning Cancer and Addiction Into a Message of Hope: Stacy and Earle Haggard
Episode 20
Episode Summary
In this deeply personal episode of The Cancer Project podcast, host David Raubach sits down with Stacy Haggard and her husband Earle to discuss Stacy’s newly published memoir, French Kissing Cancer, a book more than ten years in the making. The title itself belonged first to Stacy’s older sister Jill, who planned to write her own account of battling oral cancer before her death at age 37. The book chronicles a cascade of loss that struck the Haggard-Thomas family beginning with Jill’s diagnosis of tongue cancer in her early 30s, followed by a harrowing four-year fight that included a 17-hour surgery, aggressive chemotherapy, a misread initial biopsy, and ultimately a stage-four metastatic recurrence in her lungs.
Jill Thomas was described by everyone close to her as the life of the room, a vibrant, fiercely loyal, and often hilariously inappropriate woman who ran marathons with Stacy, served as her best friend, and mothered three young children alongside her husband Stephen. The initial biopsy of a lesion at the back of her tongue was a needle-point technique that missed the site entirely, returning a false negative and costing precious months before the cancer was correctly identified. By the time it was properly diagnosed, the tumor was already advanced, requiring removal of three-quarters of her tongue and extensive reconstruction. Stacy recalls being in her kitchen when Jill called crying with the news, and for a moment assuming her sister, known for pranks, was joking.
Jill’s death came roughly ten and a half weeks before a second catastrophic loss: her husband Stephen overdosed and did not survive. Stephen had struggled with prescription painkiller misuse rooted in a prior back surgery, and Jill’s illness, and eventual death, accelerated his decline. Stacy and Earle had spent months trying to get him into treatment, even driving him to the hospital the night before he died seeking an emergency order of distress. Stephen passed the social worker’s evaluation and went home, only to overdose that same night. The episode handles this dual tragedy with notable candor, framing Stephen’s addiction not as a moral failure but as a human being overwhelmed by grief, love, and a disease that refused to leave room for clarity.
Within weeks of losing both parents, Stacy and Earle made the decision to adopt Jill and Stephen’s three children, Bella, Lilian, and Lincoln Thomas, joining their own three biological children in a household that grew from three kids to six practically overnight. The couple sought a family therapist immediately to navigate everything from bedroom assignments to how to talk about grief with children at different developmental stages. Stacy describes making the first sleepover fun with Halloween skeleton decorations at breakfast, leaning into normalcy as a lifeline. The oldest, Bella, processed her loss through late-night conversations with Stacy. The two younger children attended weekly counseling.
Throughout the conversation, Stacy and Earle return again and again to the role of faith in carrying them through what Earle describes as “two or three foggy years.” Stacy admits she was furiously angry at God when she learned Jill’s lung recurrence carried only a four percent survival rate at MD Anderson; a number Jill had already been told privately and had chosen not to share with her sister. That same faith, however, kept Stacy praying at Jill’s bedside and ultimately helped her finish a book she shelved and restarted over the course of a decade while raising six children. The word “triumph” on the cover is not ironic. It reflects where every one of those six children stands today.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
- False-Negative Biopsy Risk: Jill’s first biopsy used a needle-point technique that missed the cancerous lesion entirely, returning a false negative and delaying correct diagnosis by four to five months while the tumor progressed significantly.
- Oral Cancer Without Typical Risk Factors: Jill was a non-smoker and minimal drinker, profiles that fall well outside the typical head-and-neck oral cancer demographic, highlighting that this disease can and does strike people who do not fit the standard risk profile.
- Scope of Surgical Intervention: Jill’s initial surgery lasted approximately 17 hours and required removal of three-quarters of her tongue, followed by months of speech and swallowing rehabilitation and use of a prosthetic palate device.
- Metastatic Recurrence and Stage Four Reclassification: A spot in Jill’s lung initially attributed to aspiration was later confirmed as a metastatic lesion from the primary tumor, reclassifying her case to stage four, a turning point that brought in MD Anderson for a second opinion and a clinical trial enrollment attempt.
- Clinical Trial Barriers: Despite acceptance into a trial drug program at MD Anderson, Jill was unable to complete the regimen because her white blood cell count and body weight fell below the thresholds required for treatment, a reality that illustrates how even access to cutting-edge care can be blocked by treatment side effects.
- Caregiver Mental Health and Addiction: Jill’s husband Stephen, who had a prior back surgery and existing prescription drug challenges, saw his substance use escalate dramatically under the weight of his wife’s illness and death, underscoring how cancer’s emotional toll on caregiving spouses can be just as life-threatening as the disease itself.
- Emergency Psychiatric Hold Limitations: The night before Stephen overdosed, Stacy and Earle brought him to a hospital seeking an emergency order of distress. Because he presented no overt signs of self-harm and was able to speak coherently, clinicians could not legally detain him, illustrating a critical gap in crisis intervention systems.
- Telling Children About a Terminal Diagnosis: Jill and Stephen chose not to tell their three children, ages nine, five, and three at diagnosis, that their mother had cancer for an extended period, instead describing it as a tongue problem needing surgery. The episode explores the difficulty and validity of that choice as part of each family’s unique journey.
- Caregiver Roles Within an Extended Family: Stacy, her mother, her middle sister Tara (a nurse), and Earle operated in coordinated shifts covering both the hospital and the Thomas household, demonstrating how a structured support network is essential when both a patient and a caregiver spouse are struggling simultaneously.
- Blended-Family Adoption After Dual Parental Loss: Stacy and Earle adopted all three Thomas children within weeks of losing both Jill and Stephen, growing from a family of five to a family of eight. They worked with a family therapist from the outset to manage logistics, grief, and the emotional needs of children at different developmental stages.
- Writing as Grief Processing: Stacy spent ten years writing French Kissing Cancer, repeatedly shelving the manuscript when emotional overwhelm made it impossible to continue while caring for six children. The book was ultimately expanded to include Stephen’s story as a deliberate act to destigmatize caregiver addiction and loss.
- Faith as Both Anger and Anchor: Stacy describes swinging between fury at God and reliance on him throughout Jill’s illness, an honest portrayal of how faith during a cancer journey is rarely a straight line, and how that tension can coexist with genuine spiritual sustenance.
Stacy and Earle Haggard’s story is one of staggering loss that somehow bends toward grace. From Jill’s misdiagnosed biopsy and 17-hour surgery to a stage-four recurrence at MD Anderson, from Stephen’s addiction spiraling in grief’s shadow to a fateful night at the hospital that ended in overdose, this family absorbed blow after blow, and then chose to absorb three more children and call it triumph. French Kissing Cancer is available on Amazon, and it carries a message that extends well beyond cancer: the caregiver in the room is fighting for their life too, and the community around a sick patient has the power to either hold a family together or let it fracture. Stacy and Earle chose to hold.
Full Transcript
Read Full Transcript
Transcript generated from the episode’s audio. Speaker names are identified from the context of the conversation rather than from recorded speaker data, and automatic transcription may misspell names and terminology. Please refer to the video for the authoritative version.
David Raubach: Millions of people across the United States face the battle of cancer each year. Millions more struggle with addiction. When both illnesses strike the same family at the same time, the impact can be overwhelming. This is the story of a family fighting too many battles at once and the unwavering role that faith played in guiding them through the storm. Today we have the opportunity to talk to Stacy Haggard, author of the new book French Kissing Cancer, and her husband Earl. Her book tells a story that was marked by tragedy, but was also filled with resilience, love, and encouragement. It’s a testament to the power of faith in the darkest moments and a reminder that even in the face of overwhelming adversity, the human spirit can endure.
David Raubach: Stacy and Earl, thank you guys so much for taking the time to join us today on this episode of the Cancer Project podcast.
Stacy Haggard: Thanks for having us.
Earle Haggard: Thanks for having us. It’s an honor to be here.
David Raubach: Well, I’m really looking forward to talking to you about this book that you recently published, Stacy, French Kissing Cancer. I know this has been a labor of love, and a labor over many years. And it’s really neat to see this book out and, I’ve read some of the reviews on Goodreads and on Amazon. Very positive, but also I think a lot of people have been encouraged by this story, but before we get into the book, I want to learn a little bit about you guys. So, how did you guys meet?
Stacy Haggard: Mutual friends. My best friend that I grew up with we went to Putnam City and he went to Bethany.
David Raubach: Okay. So siblings introduced us for the most part.
Earle Haggard: I was whatever. She was always a hot girl that I was always kind of had a crush on. So you know you shoot your shot enough times it’s bound to go in sooner or later.
David Raubach: But you guys were at different schools. You were. Okay.
Stacy Haggard: Yeah. But it was a lot of the crowds ran together. So it’s kind of crazy. We never met earlier than we did cuz a lot of his friends knew my friends, but somehow we didn’t meet till like early 20s.
David Raubach: So, and then did you guys go to college together?
Stacy Haggard: No.
David Raubach: Okay. Where did you go?
Stacy Haggard: I went to UCO.
David Raubach: Okay. Mhm. And he was at SNU. Okay.
Stacy Haggard: Yeah.
David Raubach: And then you studied art.
Stacy Haggard: My degree was human environmental sciences. So, it was interior architectural design.
David Raubach: Okay. That’s my degree. Yeah. And tell us a little bit about today. I know that you are doing art and it’s I’ve seen some of the stuff that you’ve put out. It’s amazing.
Stacy Haggard: Thank you.
David Raubach: So, tell us a little bit about what you’re doing today from an artistic standpoint.
Stacy Haggard: I’m still just, you know, I work full-time now, so I’m actually an account manager. So, I do that in all my free time, I guess, which I don’t have, but evenings and weekends I try to keep up with it. It’s abstract art, and it’s been really fun. I started doing it years and years ago. Yeah, I’ve always kind of been a creative soul, so that was kind of a good avenue for me throughout all of the things that went on in life, but it’s going great.
David Raubach: What, how do you find inspiration for the pieces that you create?
Stacy Haggard: Seeing other art is always kind of an inspiration like I love that piece or I don’t love that piece. My faith is huge. I think a lot of artists would say like just things you see out in nature or other works of art or just things that pop in your head. It’s kind of hard to explain. You just have something in your head and you got to get it out. And half the time when you’re creating, it morphs and changes into something completely different anyway. So, you just kind of feel like you’re just being guided by something.
David Raubach: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That’s neat. Well, like I said, it’s beautiful pieces that you’ve created.
Stacy Haggard: I appreciate it.
David Raubach: And then Earl, you run High-5. Tell us a little bit about that agency and what you guys have done and just getting that up and going a few years back.
Earle Haggard: We’re kind of a full-service marketing agency that really champions and tries to help businesses of all sizes kind of more kind of regionally but more mainly focused on businesses in the state of Oklahoma and surrounding states. And we have been blessed to have two best business partners that I could ever imagine. And we have a great team and just good high energy high character individuals and when you get a bunch of those guys around good things happen. So we’ve been very blessed with our growth and success and hopefully we can continue doing it.
David Raubach: And we’ve worked with you at the Oklahoma Proton Center and also Premier Breast Health Institute and you guys have done a fantastic job for us. So I do want to dive into the book a little bit. So this the story here really starts all the way back with you growing up. So tell us about your family growing up and your two sisters.
Stacy Haggard: Yeah. So we grew up in Oklahoma City. Nice little modest house. We were all shared rooms, all the things. We were all about 14 months apart. So Jill, the one that this book is in honor of, her and I weren’t even a full three years apart and I’m the baby and she was the oldest. So we were just super tight. My parents worked a lot and you know my mom worked nights so my sisters and I would get into a lot of our mischief at night when dad goes to sleep. We just would stay up a little later but we had an awesome childhood. We were really really blessed. My parents super involved, still are, you know. So, yeah, we just had an awesome childhood.
David Raubach: So, and you guys were close, Jill and—
Stacy Haggard: Very close even growing up. So, you know, Jill and I mean it would drive Earl crazy. We would talk five times a day or and we trained we ran marathons together. We boot camp together. We just we did life together.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: So, when I say best friend other than Earl, lifelong like my best friend.
David Raubach: Yeah. And how would you describe Jill’s personality?
Stacy Haggard: Big. Big. Vibrant. Life of the party. Strong. I mean pretty those are pretty perfect words to describe her.
David Raubach: Yeah. Yeah. And so and then what was her, how would you describe her as an older sister? You know that’s kind of, I have daughters so I see the dynamic between the older sister and the younger sisters.
Stacy Haggard: The best. I mean, she looked out for me. She was always there to give advice even when I didn’t want it.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: But you know, she had kids before me and so she helped me mothering advice, parenting advice, and she’s just she was amazing. Like the perfect big sister.
David Raubach: Yep. And so then you guys you grow up, you get married, she gets married, she has kids. What was the dynamic like in your maybe like late 20s, early 30s? You guys are still close and now you’re going through the dynamic with marriage and kids.
Stacy Haggard: Yeah, it just the same. I mean, we stayed super close. Our kids played together. They had a lakehouse, so all of us would go down to their lakehouse all the time. I mean, almost every weekend, it felt like, but just super tight-knit. The kids were all always close growing up. You know, she’d come over and leave a kid and go for a run and then we’d swap and I’d go run. I mean, we’ve just always been super tight.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: I mean, always.
David Raubach: And Earl, how would you describe Jill?
Earle Haggard: Oh, she on the cover of the book, the that is exactly her hair. I mean that her she had when I think of Jill, I think of fun. She lit up the room. And I’ll tell you what, whenever she you guaranteed when she was around it was never serious. Like things were always so light and funny. Sell very often inappropriate comments just to lighten the mood, but she made everybody feel great, right?
Stacy Haggard: Yeah, she did.
David Raubach: And so, talk about meeting I guess would have been her boyfriend and then fiance and then husband. Talk about meeting him for the first time or getting to know him.
Stacy Haggard: Okay. He so, he worked in a different department at the hospital. They both worked there and that’s how they met. So, when we met him, he was just a great guy. He adored Joel. He’s kind of a quiet person, so I feel like it was hard to kind of pry and get to know him better, but he just adored my sister, and that’s what really mattered.
David Raubach: And, so were I’m kind of understanding the timeline here. So, were they dating when you guys were dating or—
Stacy Haggard: No. No, they didn’t. They got married before we even started dating, if I remember correctly.
David Raubach: Okay. Because they got married in 1998.
Stacy Haggard: So yeah, we weren’t even—
David Raubach: So they were married, then Earl comes along, right? And so what was it like for you then coming in to a family with the three sisters? And even just initially as the boyfriend, is this a safe place? This is a safe. We are in a safe place. They’re not going to—
Earle Haggard: No, her Stacy’s family is awesome. Stacy’s sec the middle sister Tara and Brent are awesome. They have, but I walk in the first time I met the family they were playing cards and it was the two brother-in-laws at the table with my future father-in-law and most guys would think that’s intimidating but the really the intimidating was the three sis or the two sisters and the mother-in-law, but well if you pass the test there I mean it’s very tight they will go to bat for you they’ll fight for you and it was I couldn’t ask for a better in-laws that side of the family. They’re awesome.
David Raubach: Yeah. Well, it sounds like an amazing family and just a really neat situation growing up with you guys, the three of you being really close and blessed. I’ve got three daughters, a six-year-old, a four-year-old, and a three-year-old. So, they’re all close.
Stacy Haggard: That’s exactly the same.
David Raubach: And I hope that they have the same relationship that we read about in this book with you and your two sisters. So, there was a point in time where Jill gets diagnosed with cancer. So talk about just that experience and how that played out.
Stacy Haggard: So, it all started, she had a spot that was like at the very back of her tongue.
David Raubach: Mh.
Stacy Haggard: And, you know, growing up, we always had canker sores, which I don’t know if that’s normal, but yeah. You know, if you drink orange juice, whatever. So, we always had canker sores. So, we kind of just shrugged it off like no big deal, but it wouldn’t go away. And I think after about a month, she kept talking about it and talking about it and to the point where everybody was like, “Oh my gosh, you were a hypochondriac. It’s a canker sore. Quit freaking out.” So, she finally goes to the dentist to have it looked at and he said he kind of thought at the moment because it wasn’t huge yet, it could have been like one of her teeth rubbing, let’s file this down, give it two weeks, whatever. They do that. She goes back and it’s still there.
Stacy Haggard: So, he sends her to an oral surgeon. The oral surgeon biopsies it, but he did a needle point biopsy. So, it missed the spot.
David Raubach: Oh, wow.
Stacy Haggard: So, it came back negative. Everything was fine. So, then everybody’s like, “Oh, see, we told you. My gosh, quit worrying.” And sure enough, I mean, months, I can’t even remember how long she let go. Four to five months, yeah, I think that’s right, had passed. And it had just grown so big to the point that it was like excreting a white substance, which is what happens.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: So yeah, she finally went back. She’s like, I’m going back. I don’t care. Like this it’s painful. It hurts so bad. And it was like rock hard. So she goes back to another guy, different surgeon. And sure enough, he the second you looked at it, he was like, “Oh my, oh my goodness.” Like not only am I positive that’s cancer, but that’s pretty progressed.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: So, he biopsies it. This is crazy. So, it comes back. It’s cancer. Not only is it cancer, but it looks like it came I can’t remember the exact phrase. I think I have it in there, but it’s came from the kidney area.
David Raubach: Okay.
Stacy Haggard: Adrenal of some sort. We’re like, what? So, in her brain, it’s if it’s coming from my kidneys, that means it’s got to be like over my whole torso. If it’s in my tongue or whatever. So she goes almost an entire week, I believe, thinking why they’re still doing some more studies on these cells. They still have some more studying to do, but they’d get back to her. I think this is like a Thursday. So she had to go all weekend into like Tuesday and they called her back and they’re like, “Oh, never mind. I’m sorry. It wasn’t oh, no, yeah, but it is cancer, but it wasn’t in your kidneys. It started here.” Whatever. So sure enough, it was cancer. And they already are talking surgery dates. You know and it was going to be a 17-hour surgery all the things.
Stacy Haggard: So they kind of started prepping her. It was like I mean super fast. She was devastated. She’d never faced something like this. She was healthy. She was running so healthy. You know a lot of this happens with oral cancer patients. It’s head and neck but it’s oral. So it’s kind of mixed but they are typically it’s something that happens in a smoker or like a heavy drinker. She was neither.
David Raubach: Right.
Stacy Haggard: So, I mean other than wine here and there, she wasn’t so it just she didn’t fit the profile. So, it was kind of mindboggling.
David Raubach: Yeah. So, and how old was she at this point?
Stacy Haggard: Okay. So, she died when she was 37. I think she was around 33 or four when she was diagnosed.
David Raubach: Okay. 34. Mhm.
Stacy Haggard: Yeah.
David Raubach: And so this is here in Oklahoma City. So, she’s going to different doctors here. Mhm. What? And it’s Do you remember where you were when she said I have cancer when you found out?
Stacy Haggard: Yes.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: So the first time, yes. I was actually cleaning the bottom of my shoe cuz I’d been out in the backyard. I had my kid sitting up on the counter with me and she called to say and she was balling.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: And she just said, “It’s cancer.” And I was like, “You’ve got to be joking me.”
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: Like she messed with people a lot. So, I really thought she was kidding with me and like playing a mean joke, but then she got real like somber and I was like, “Oh my word, she’s serious.” So, yeah, I was in the kitchen.
David Raubach: What was going through your head at that point?
Stacy Haggard: Disbelief. I couldn’t, it’s like my mind went blank. I couldn’t even believe this was happening.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: And then I was like, “Oh, I’m sure it’s just in her tongue.” Like, I can’t, it can’t be that big of a deal. That’s all I could think of was just I don’t know. And then I was like, how am I, I got to go get my kids. Where are her kids? It was kind of like a you just start spiraling a little bit.
David Raubach: Yeah. What? And so then did you have a conversation with Earl then to let him know?
Stacy Haggard: Yeah, I let him know.
Earle Haggard: I by this point knew what was going into the surgery, which I don’t know if you want me to launch into that, but it was very extensive and so and it was going to require a long stay in the hospital. It was going to require all of us chipping in and shifts and helping with the kids and you know, Stephen was kind of a wreck, her husband, and so we knew we were going to be chipping in quite a bit. And so I remember telling him, I think this is going to be a much bigger deal than what we’re anticipating.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Earle Haggard: This isn’t a cut the lesion out, she goes home. It’s not milkshakes. I mean, it’s like—
David Raubach: Yeah. Yeah. And how old were her kids at this point?
Stacy Haggard: So they would have been Bella would have been eight or nine when this the diagnosis and then Lennox was probably three or four and Lily would have been around five at the diagnosis.
David Raubach: Yeah. So nine, five and three?
Stacy Haggard: Yeah. Around that age.
David Raubach: Mhm. Do you recall just at that point how they were processing everything that was happening or what did you, how did you jump in at that point? So with the kids.
Stacy Haggard: Well, we didn’t, they didn’t want to tell them that it was cancer. Yeah, that was so we all had mixed opinions on that, but they didn’t want to talk about it with them. They didn’t want them to worry. So, they told them that she had something on her tongue that needed to be fixed. So she had to have a pretty extensive surgery. They did not tell them that it was cancer for a very long time.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: So the kids knew something was up, but they all thought that it was just her needing to get her tongue fixed. So she was kind of concerned about how long it was going to take and that’s all they knew.
David Raubach: Yeah. And I think you know that’s such a hard decision to make.
Stacy Haggard: It is.
David Raubach: And I think that kind of is indicative of the fact that cancer impacts everybody.
Stacy Haggard: It does.
David Raubach: It doesn’t just impact the person that gets diagnosed. It impacts the spouse. It impacts the kids. It impacts extended family. And we see that a lot at the Oklahoma Proton Center. And then and everybody kind of navigates that messaging in a different way. How do you tell your kids? And how do you tell maybe what you say to a 5-year-old versus a nine-year-old, right? Even it’s all so different.
Stacy Haggard: Yeah. And everybody had their opinions of course and everybody likes to tell everybody what they should do in that moment. Like why aren’t you telling them, you have to. No, they don’t. This is their journey. This is what they’re walking. Let them do what they want to do.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: It was hard for all of us to watch what we say. We all had to be like super careful and but we managed and she told them when the time was right but it wasn’t then.
David Raubach: So what, at that point she has the surgery. What’s the expectation on the prognosis at that point?
Stacy Haggard: At that point, I think it was like an 80% survival, like, nope, we’re going to get this, you know, you’re going to be we’re going to make a full recovery. And they were going pretty aggressive with some treatments after. So, because she was so young and because she had three kids, they decided to hit her pretty hard with some treatments, but at that point it was still like 80% so we felt good about it.
David Raubach: Yeah. So, that so she did surgery and then chemotherapy, correct? What was, for those that have not gone through this process, what was chemotherapy like as you’re observing?
Stacy Haggard: Brutal.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: Brutal.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: Yeah. I mean, and it’s such what a sad environment, too. You know, there’s a lot of sick people and everyone’s in there. It’s just very somber. Of course, Joel would try to spice it up in there a little as much as she could with her honoriness, but yeah, I mean, she got really, really sick.
David Raubach: Mhm.
Stacy Haggard: You know and it takes, I think it’s, if I remember correctly, it’s compilation, like it compilates, it gets worse with each one, right? So the first one she was like real tired, whatever, and then it just, you know, first round, second round, it just kept getting worse. She was so tired, she slept all the time, she had no appetite, she was losing weight like crazy, but yeah, it was horrible. And you were going up to the hospital for the chemotherapy, she had a room full all the time.
David Raubach: What did you feel like your role needed to be as the sister at that point?
Stacy Haggard: Just support. I wanted to distract her. I wanted to keep her, I was her biggest cheerleader. Like you know my middle sister and my mom are both medical. So they’re very realistic. Even if it’s blunt and almost makes you mad. You’re like don’t say that. Like we’re, she’s different, Joel’s going to be fine, you know? So my role I felt was just to kind of keep her cheered up, distracted and encouraged like you are going to beat this and everything’s going to be fine. This is temporary.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: Just get through it. We’re going to get through it.
David Raubach: That’s right. We’re going to get through this together.
Stacy Haggard: Yep.
David Raubach: What’s your mindset at this point? During those early days of surgery and chemotherapy and you’re trying to be supportive.
Earle Haggard: I think it seeing someone you love and Jill go through that and then watching the family kind of changes your priorities in life. Like I made a career decision at that point. That life is short and it’s precious and I think it, I was observer kind of, I you know, I kind of played defense behind the scenes and you know Stacy’s up at the hospital or doing this or that and I, you know, we had three kids of our own and Jill and Steven had three kids of their own so it was kind of a tribe. I think Joel’s friends were phenomenal, as there’s a, I mean, you talk about an army of people that were there to support. So I think that’s really important for people that accept that help when they’re going through that stuff.
Earle Haggard: I think Jill and Stephen were really hard to accept it at the beginning, but there’s so many people in your world, in your community that wants to help. But I loved, Stacy was like they always always called Stacy the glitter and rainbows. Everything was going to be great. I mean it was great and I think it was great that you know that we also had, you know, in the family we had maybe more reality on the nurse’s side and I think it was a good balance, helped everybody out a little bit.
David Raubach: I think hope and optimism are really important going through something like that. Like you can be realistic about the nature of what you’re going through but there still has to be hope. And that’s something that we try to instill at the proton scenario. No matter how dire the prognosis or the diagnosis, we are going to rally together to do the absolute best that we possibly can to get through this and to get rid of the disease.
Stacy Haggard: Yes.
David Raubach: And then we are hopeful or optimistic that it’s not going to come back. Even if the chances are 5% that it doesn’t come back, you never know, we’re going to hold on to that. So she goes through surgery and goes through chemotherapy. What are the subsequent months like? Because obviously the cancer comes back. But what were those kind of intervening months like after she went through the initial treatment?
Stacy Haggard: Well, so because she had lost three-fourths of her tongue in this surgery, they, you know, learning to speak again, learning to swallow again. And she had to have a prosthetic belt to bring the roof of her mouth down so that her tongue could hit the top.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: And just to get her G’s and her S’s and things like that, where we don’t think, like, just if you sit and you think and you swallow, like that is such a gift, right? And you think of how much your tongue is involved in a swallow. It’s just crazy. So in these months she was, you know, getting stronger and she was so determined, like you know they told her don’t eat anything solid for this long. Well, she goes and gets a burrito. And like I’m going to get this thing down. She just always wanted to be stronger and better and defy all odds, right? So, and that’s what she worked on in those months, was it was a lot of caretaking cuz she had some pretty big wounds to care for and the swallow suction machine. Oh my god, I hated that thing so much.
Stacy Haggard: But, yeah, it was just a lot of rehab, a lot of chemotherapy, a lot of doctor’s appointments and a lot of keeping her husband afloat and lifted up as much as we could and keeping the kids busy. That was another big chore, you know. And God love Earl, because I mean, I was such a hands-on mom, too, and our kids were so young. He had to miss work. He had to help me so much just so I could be up there because of how she was. She was in the hospital for four weeks. But we definitely had to tag team.
David Raubach: Wow.
Stacy Haggard: Yeah. I couldn’t have done it by myself. But so yeah, there was a lot of rehabbing. There was a lot of tag teaming, there was a lot of healing, lots of tears.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: So it was, but she did amazing.
David Raubach: And tell me about your family dynamic at this point with kids.
Stacy Haggard: Well Claire was four or five, Kale would have been around two or three and Hank would have been around one or two. Yeah, they were little.
David Raubach: You have three kids, she’s got three kids, so there’s six kids altogether.
Stacy Haggard: Yeah.
David Raubach: And as you described there were multiple points where you were functioning as the mom for all six of the kids, not just your three.
Stacy Haggard: Right.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: And then my middle sister Tara and my mom were all very involved and my dad, like you know, some would stay at the house with the Thomas kids while my dad would, or my dad would and then my mom would be at the hospital, and then we’d swap and my sister Tara would jump in, then we’d switch again cuz she couldn’t be left alone when she was in the hospital. And we needed Steven to sleep. He was working at the time, so we needed him to, you know, stay healthy. So, we kind of worked hard to keep us all together.
David Raubach: Yeah. Yeah. So talk a little bit, you’ve mentioned Jill’s husband a few times. So, talk a little bit about just how this impacted him.
Stacy Haggard: You know, she literally was the center of his universe. And the kids obviously, but Jill especially. And he did a lot for the family. So, he already kind of struggled a little cuz he’d had a back surgery. And he struggled with probably overmedicating.
David Raubach: Mhm.
Stacy Haggard: And I believe a huge part of why this came back up was because he was struggling so much emotionally and he was so prideful he wouldn’t accept a lot of help.
David Raubach: Right.
Stacy Haggard: So, instead of saying, “I have a problem. I need help.” It was just medicate, medicate. And, unfortunately, it was catching up and it was causing a lot of problems. And so we kind of all had to team up even more.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: And even though we wanted to be taking care of her, we kind of were also taking care of him.
David Raubach: Yeah. Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: And it’s, I mean that’s just it’s indicative of again how cancer impacts everybody. And it kind of has this tendency to bring these demons out of the closet that maybe are suppressed otherwise. But then you go through something and you watch the person that you love going through surgery and chemotherapy and all the side effects and you feel helpless as a spouse and it just yeah anything that you maybe have kind of pushed away, that it all kind of just comes bubbling to the surface and that’s what I felt happen with him cuz he, like I said, such a great guy, such an amazing dad.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: And I just feel like when things started getting rough it’s like it just kind of took over.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: And so the things he would have never done or even thought of doing, he was. So it was just exhausting.
David Raubach: So Jill’s going through rehab. She’s trying to get back to the point where she can eat, she get back to the point where she can speak at least as well as possible. Where, or, describe that kind of turning point where you guys all realized, and she realized, that maybe the prognosis wasn’t what you had hoped it was going to be initially.
Stacy Haggard: So they gave her the all clear, you know, she rang the bell, she did all the things. But they did say in her scan, you have no cancer, but if you see this little spot in your lung, we think it’s cuz you may have aspirated something because you have issues swallowing or speaking. And it looks like, you know, when you’re something gets into your lungs that’s foreign, it puts like a protective layer around it. So, that’s what we think it is. It’s not lighting up as cancer, but we’ll watch it. So, okay, that’s unsettling, but I guess that’s what we’re going to do here. So, she goes on like, woo, cancer free, everything’s great. And I think about, I don’t know, three, four months after that, she goes back in for another scan and it was lighting up and it had changed.
Stacy Haggard: So they wanted to biopsy it. So they go in and biopsy it. It’s kind of crazy. The guy there says, oh, you know, when I was, when we got the piece, or whatever, I don’t know medical lingo, but it didn’t look like cancer. I think you’re going to be fine.
David Raubach: Right.
Stacy Haggard: But we’ll see. So we all leave. We go to the lake. I want to say it was Labor Day or some holiday weekend. And she didn’t hear her by Friday, so she was really disappointed. And then my mom made some comments at the lake about how she thought she looked ill again.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: And so we were all, I don’t know, we just kind of had a bad feeling. But sure enough, they call her that Tuesday and tell her that it came back as cancer.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: And unfortunately this time it was stage four.
David Raubach: Yeah. Anytime it mets, you know, it’s stage four. Yeah. Unfortunately, if there’s a lesion from a primary tumor that spreads to the lungs, that’s usually not a good situation, metastatic, as you talked about.
Stacy Haggard: Yes.
David Raubach: And so, what was the recommended treatment at that point? How, what did the doctors say? This is what you can do.
Stacy Haggard: Chemotherapy.
David Raubach: Yeah. Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: And we’re going to hit it hard. We’re going to go aggressive, you know, and they gave her hope. We also went and visited MD Anderson for a second opinion and they looked at her and, you know, trials, we’ll try this. So they put her on a trial drug but then she got so sick she couldn’t even take the trial drug cuz she didn’t have enough white blood cells, whatever it is. But yeah, so she couldn’t do that, and then, or she was too skinny. It was always something.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: And then so they were hitting her with a super aggressive chemo plus she was doing a trial drug. Like I mean it just seemed so counterintuitive, but the people at MD Anderson were very blunt. They were like, “What were you told?”
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: And she said, “Well, I was told that I don’t have great chances, but I’m I believe and I’m going to keep trying.” And they’re like, “Okay, we just want to make sure you knew, like, this is not a big survival rate.” I think they said 4%.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: So that was very eye opening and crushing to hear cuz I hadn’t heard that yet, right? So I think she was protecting me. She didn’t want me to know what she’d already been told. She just hadn’t shared it. She wasn’t even shocked when she heard it. She’s like, “Yeah, I know.”
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: I thought, “What? What did you just say?”
David Raubach: So what are you thinking at this point? I mean, you’ve been the optimist through this whole thing.
Stacy Haggard: I was mad.
David Raubach: Okay.
Stacy Haggard: I was so mad.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: I just thought, you know, and I don’t know how much you guys discuss faith on here, but I think for me at that moment, I was so mad at God because I had been praying so long and so hard and I thought, how are you going to do this now? Like, you’ve put her through all of this and only to take her in the end. That’s how I felt.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: So, I was mad and I was mad at her because also because she just was kind of eh like whatever. At this point, she hadn’t talked to the kids, nothing. She knew this and hadn’t told me. So, you know, I was being a little bit selfish at the time, but I was mad.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: I was mad. I couldn’t believe it.
David Raubach: Yeah. What did you feel like you needed to do at that point?
Stacy Haggard: Just be with her as much as possible. And I still felt faith. Like I still feel like there’s hope. Like this can be such a miracle story. Like what a beautiful story this would be and God could use you. So you have to stay strong. Like you have to keep believing and keep fighting. Just promise me you won’t get up. That’s what I kept saying to her. Just promise me you’re not going to give up.
David Raubach: Yeah. Earl, how are you supporting Stacy at this time?
Earle Haggard: Listening.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Earle Haggard: Honestly, if we go back to that world that we lived in, it was it’s kind of foggy, like all about three years, two years really that are just kind of a fog. And loving her. I think letting her do what she needs to do and hopefully trying to hold our kids, making sure they’re fed and changed and go down for nap, go down for naps alive. But yeah, I think, I mean, she did, Stacy, and you know, like she, we talk about Stacy’s family and her Jill’s friends and they were so great for Stephen and Jill.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Earle Haggard: And I don’t know how they could have done it at that level without that help.
David Raubach: Yeah. What did you learn about your wife through this point in the process?
Earle Haggard: I mean, and just she’s, she looks at the good in everything and the hope, and that, you know, even with our kids, if they have a bad day, then she says, you know, all right, it could be worse, you know.
David Raubach: Yeah. Yeah.
Earle Haggard: She’s so optimistic and I think that’s, was God’s gift to her that I had never seen before.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Earle Haggard: So I think that’s probably, she kind of now takes that role of bringing light into the room when she walks in, Jill does had.
David Raubach: Thank you. So fast forwarding a little bit, your sister goes through multiple iterations of treatment and regimens and just trying to find anything and everything that can work. And there’s a point where it’s probably obvious to everyone that there’s not anything else that can be done. Yeah. Describe just that emotion for you and kind of what those last few weeks, how that played out.
Stacy Haggard: As she got weaker and weaker, it was almost like we lost little pieces of her along the way. So, you know, she didn’t want to talk to anyone because it hurt, right? And this tumor was growing to the point where you could literally see it out of her back.
David Raubach: Wow.
Stacy Haggard: Outside of her ribs. So, she was in pain all the time. She didn’t want to get up and move around.
David Raubach: Mhm.
Stacy Haggard: So, just little lights would go flicker out, you know, each and every week. So, we just kept losing little pieces of her. She would stop responding to texts. It was just like, “Oh my word, we’re losing her.”
David Raubach: Mhm.
Stacy Haggard: So, you know, we just tried to really make the most of every moment. And we were getting to the point where we were so sick of watching her suffer that I started praying like, if you’re not going to do a miracle, then just take her. This is not fair. It’s not fair to anyone.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: Especially her.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: Cuz we were all just, we didn’t want to leave her bedside, you know, and then she’s so freaking crazy, she would try to get up, like, it was just, and then she would fall. It was just Yeah. We got to the point where, as things just kept going downhill and little pieces of her, I felt like we’d already pretty much lost her.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: But yeah, we got to where it was like this is ridiculous. She’s absolutely miserable. Bed sores, all the things. Just take her.
David Raubach: Yeah. And I think, I know that may sound rough to some who haven’t been on this journey, but when you watch someone go down, it’s awful. Yeah. What are the conversations that you’re having with her kids at that point? Because obviously they’re aware of.
Stacy Haggard: So at this point they did decide finally, one sweep she got pretty bad, to let them know what was going on and it was awful. We were there because we felt my mom or Jill wanted us there cuz she couldn’t get up and hug them.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: And so, you know, she just wanted the support. So we were there for that. And then when we knew that she was like on her last week or two cuz she, you know, they fall into a almost like a coma, whatever you want to call it, and, you know, they’re not coming out. So, we had to again have the talk and say she’s, it’s, she’s close. And that was horrible. But it was like peace, I think. I mean, immediately the kids, they’re just like her. They cried, they were upset, and then they just were like, one of them popped up. She’s like, “I have soccer practice in an hour.”
David Raubach: Oh, yeah.
Stacy Haggard: And we’re like, “Okay. Do you want to go to that?” She’s like, “Yes.”
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: She just wanted to be normal. Like, just let me do my thing. And I don’t want to talk about this anymore. You know, they each handled it differently. The youngest son, he cried more and he wanted to be held more and loved on more and he didn’t feel it quite as safe, but they all had us. And I think that’s a blessing because a lot of people don’t have that support system. So, luckily the kids all had that. But it did, just, yeah, they, we told them and I think they handled it really well considering, but it was rough.
David Raubach: It’s so hard for kids because they don’t have necessarily the life experience to put what’s happening into a place that they are familiar with. And so each kid’s going to deal with it differently and kids that get cancer deal with having cancer differently. Kids that are watching their parents or a sibling go through cancer. Every kid deals with it differently.
Stacy Haggard: Yes.
David Raubach: It’s interesting that you talked about her daughter saying, “Well, I want to go to soccer practice.” Because there’s a part of that’s a little bit encouraging. It’s like, you know what? I’m seeing this optimism in the kids like life is going to go on and we’re gonna make the best of this situation. Yeah. What did you want people to remember about your sister? Especially when you guys did the ceremony to honor her. Mhm. What did you really want people to take away from that?
Stacy Haggard: Just really her love for her family and her kids. I wanted the kids to know like your mom loved you. She was super mom. I mean, she was the mom. Home room mom. Brings all the snacks for the soccer team, you know, all the things. And I wanted them to know like in the end, I know that she didn’t talk much and that she would distance herself and that frustrated me, but she just kind of distanced herself from everybody. And I wanted the kids to know that’s because she didn’t want y’all to see her in that shape. Like she just, you, I don’t, I remember with the funeral saying, addressing Stephen and saying she loved you guys so much and she would want all of you to live your lives to the fullest, do the right thing, make the best decisions and live.
Stacy Haggard: Don’t just go down in a well of, you know, depression.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: And I wanted them to know that she was so loyal and so devoted to them.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: And that’s what I wanted the whole crowd to know, was like Jill was such a loyal, loving person.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: But they all knew. I mean, that’s why they were there. It was packed out.
David Raubach: Yeah. Yeah. That’s beautiful. So then you mentioned that Stephen had challenges dealing with what was going on with his wife and there was about four years of her dealing with being diagnosed and then the cancer go seemingly going away and then coming back and then obviously watching everything that she went through at the end. So, just talk a little bit about, as much as you feel comfortable, kind of what happened with Steven after his wife passed away.
Stacy Haggard: He went into a downward spiral. He was using a lot. He was having wrecks with kids in the car. He took out mailboxes. He wouldn’t get out of bed. Their oldest, Bella, was doing everything. She was 12. She would do the laundry. She would get the littles out the door. She was trying to wake him up, you know. I mean, we would get calls that he wouldn’t get up, he wouldn’t wake up. They were scared. But we were terrified as well because we didn’t want, we were there a lot. We were making sure they were okay and that they were safe and we were really worried about the kids getting taken if something were to be found out about him. We tried to get them to pull it together, we were there all the time like, “You’ve got to pull it together.
Stacy Haggard: Let’s get you in therapy. Let’s do this.” “I don’t need any of that.” You know?
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: So it was spiraling and we tried our hardest to get him to get help. In fact, he was in the hospital the night before he passed.
David Raubach: Mhm.
Stacy Haggard: We were trying to get him in for a, what’s it called, Emergency Order of Detention. EOD.
David Raubach: Okay.
Stacy Haggard: He had agreed to get help.
David Raubach: Yep.
Stacy Haggard: He gets there, but unfortunately he was high when he went in. So, we kind of talked him into going and then we get there. The social worker comes in to discuss with him if, you know, he’s okay, and he starts saying, “No, I want to go home. My kids need me. I just couldn’t get my medication straight with my back stuff. I’m good to go. I’m going to go see my doctor.” So he passed it. He passed, and they couldn’t keep him because he didn’t show anything for self harm or harm to others. He was classic salesman. So, he went home.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: And that’s the night that he overdosed.
David Raubach: Yep. So, the next day, now you’re dealing with a second tragic death in a short amount of time, 10 and a half weeks. Yeah. I know that the focus at that point really becomes the kids. Just walk us through kind of the next few days and what you guys are trying to do and what your conversations are like with the kids. And Earl, why don’t you start?
Stacy Haggard: We were at the hospital because when they took him out on the gurney, my sister, who was an emergency room nurse, was able to get a heartbeat going again, because when he that night, to back up a little, when he did have his overdose, my niece was there with him and he’d rolled off the bed, whatever, she calls and said, “I can’t wake him up.” She calls my mom and my mom’s like, “So we think, well, we’re on our way, he’s probably passed out again, we’ll be there in a minute.”
Stacy Haggard: So we all rush out there and sure enough my sister takes one look and throws everything to the side and just starts in on him and starts working her magic and she got a heart rate back, but she knew, she said the second she saw his face, that there’s no way he’s been without oxygen too long, whatever. But he was still on life support at the hospital. We go and the doctor says like there’s no way he’s coming out of this. Like we’re going to do all these tests, whatever. They ran three or four different tests just to be safe and make sure. But yeah, no, he didn’t make it. So, I remember being in the hospital and they told us that, and Earl and I just looked at each other and we were like, “Oh my god, our life just, upside down.
Stacy Haggard: Like, he’s gone, they’re gone, our kids, their kids.” Like, we just couldn’t process it. And I still, we almost felt like just living a nightmare, like how is this happening? And we had to start with the texts and the phone calls and all the things again. And then we were just like, the pit in our stomachs, that we were going to have to go tell them.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: Because they didn’t know yet. So we knew, we’re like, “Let them finish their school day and we’ll just tell them when they get home,” cuz we still had turned off the machines. We didn’t want them to see him. Cuz you know, he didn’t look good.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Earle Haggard: I have a hard time with this part of the story because part of me is come on, get your crap together, right? But majority of me is, if something happened to her, what happened to Jill, I’m not going to get more normal, right? I’m going to bend wherever, I’m going to lean on whatever is my deal. And so you have to have grace. And I think that’s what is, I mean, Stephen was the man. I mean, he adored his family. He would never have done anything to hurt himself. He was just had no answers, and that’s what I want everybody to know, is he was such a good guy.
Earle Haggard: And to hear, to see what he did and the outcome of his choices hurts, because that’s not, if he was any type of clarity and sober, he would have made sure he was taking care of himself for his three kids cuz he loved them. I mean, he was super dad.
David Raubach: Yeah, he was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: So, and that I think including that in this book was so important because people who are caring for terminally ill, whether it’s cancer, whether it’s Alzheimer’s, whatever, they have so much going on inside, right? And whether it’s turning to an affair, whether it’s turning to some kind of unhealthy habit, whatever it may be, it is a common thing, unfortunately, and I feel people need to be aware of it, so that if you are supporting someone with cancer, don’t be afraid to just get help and surround yourself with people that can keep you focused and keep you on a straight path and positive influences in your life, and don’t let pride take you down, and don’t think that you’re above these things, because you’re not. We’re all human and none of us are perfect.
Stacy Haggard: So, I think we addressed it well when we spoke at the funeral. I made sure to say, like, we all living in these little bubbles in life, right? Like we think we’re just floating along and everything’s fine, but sometimes your bubble gets popped, right? And you don’t know what you’re going to do, right? So, because everybody knew he overdosed, and it was an accident, really, was what we think. I wanted everyone to know, don’t judge, because there was a lot of stuff going around that we were hearing and we were upset about it. So, I got through it. I wrote it down so I wouldn’t forget what to say, but it was just like, just know that you’re not perfect. We’re all one bad decision away from something like this happening in life.
Stacy Haggard: So I wanted, cancer, like, people supporting, whether it was cancer or, like I said, terminally ill, to know, watch out, just be aware that the devil is just waiting for one weakness to pop in and get you.
David Raubach: So that is an absolute reality and I appreciate you saying that, Stacy and Earl, because it really is so important, not just for patients to think about their mental well-being, but also caretakers as well. So then you guys end up adopting the three kids. Just talk a little bit about what that process looked like and just the conversation with them and obviously trying to provide some stability for your sister’s kids.
Stacy Haggard: Yeah. Just, you know, immediately they were like, what are we going to do? What’s going to happen? And, like, once we had the conversation and we’d had time to kind of, everyone calm down, my mom and dad would go out there and Steven’s dad, some as well, would go out there and stay with the kids so they didn’t have to just get ripped out of their home right away. Kind of gave them some time to adjust. And I think after a few weeks, two or three weeks, we started letting them know like, “You guys are going to come with us,” and I think they were pretty excited, especially the youngest, because he and my son were like best friends. And, you know, they had questions, especially Lily and Bella, like, well, where will we eat, what room?
Stacy Haggard: Because they live in a really big house and they all had their own rooms, and they were all in competitive soccer. So, it was kind of like, wait, what’s going to change in my life and what’s not?
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: So, we and Earl and I went to a therapist and just kind of said like, “Help. What do we do? Like, who gets their own room and whatever.” So, we had the discussions of like just how the house was going to be laid out and what we were going to do. And we just try to make it cheery and fun. I remember making it fun. And I remember it was like Halloween-ish, whenever one of the nights they stayed the night. I remember putting like skeleton skulls out for fun, like at breakfast, and just trying to keep them uplifted and happy. And yeah, they didn’t really want to talk about it, they just wanted to go back to normal. They were so sick of dealing with cancer for all of these years, and then their dad.
Stacy Haggard: So, you know, Bella and I, the oldest, we would have a lot of talks when the littles would go to bed. She would open up about a lot of stuff. She was really good at talking about it.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: And the younger two we had in counseling, and so they would do that every once a week. They would go talk to someone about their parents and just kind of everything. So, but yeah, the discussions were great. I mean, you know, wasn’t exactly easy, but I feel like they were in a good place. I think they were very relieved that they got to stay together, cuz most siblings, right, that, you know, unfortunately get split up. But they got to stay together and they were coming with us, who they knew and they were familiar with, and all the cousins were super close. So, it was just kind of the obvious choice. But yeah, I mean, I think they felt good. They were happy to be cared for and feel safe.
David Raubach: Yeah. So the book, and this story that you’ve told, a couple questions about the book in the last few minutes here. So, one, the title, French Kissing Cancer. Where does the title come from?
Stacy Haggard: So, Jill planned to write her book. She wanted to tell her story, and obviously she didn’t get to do that, but this is what she was going to call it. So that was her name. And yeah, she definitely wanted to keep it that way. I remember the editor was like, “Do you think that might be off-putting?” I really don’t care. You know, they either buy it or don’t. I’m not really concerned about that. It was more just to get this out there. And I wrote it for her cuz she wanted to do it. So that’s where the title, and it was, you know, tongue cancer, all that.
David Raubach: Yeah. Yeah. And what And so why did you feel the need to finish the book?
Stacy Haggard: It was It just ate at me. There was no way I couldn’t. I mean, this took me 10 years because I was raising all these little kids and I’d start reliving something and then I couldn’t, like, emotionally, I was like, I got to stop. And because then I want to like start crying. I got to go pull it together and take care of all these kids. And so it would get shelved and put back and then I’d be at church or something and it was like something would come up about, “If you write a book, you got to do your goals.” I’m like, what? Oh my gosh. So I’d pick it back up and start again.
Stacy Haggard: And then it just kind of morphed and changed, and I then I decided it was time to tell Stephen’s story as well, because that was part of this journey. So yeah, I mean, just lots of brainstorming, and it just evolved over all this time.
David Raubach: And so there’s a word on the front here, or I guess there’s a phrase, “a story of family, addiction, and triumph.” I’m curious about the word triumph, because the story seems tragic. So why did you choose to have this word on the front of the book?
Stacy Haggard: Because what a beautiful ending. You know, a lot of kids could have gone down bad paths. They could, I mean, our biological kids, just think of what they went through. You know, and then what the Thomas kids went through, this could have been different. The kids could have been split up. They could have been killed in a car accident. I just feel that what I felt the devil was really trying to make happen, we stopped it. Like, he didn’t get to make all the decisions. You know what I mean? And so, in the end, when you see where all these kids are now and how well they’re doing, it’s there’s no other way to put it to me than triumph. It stunk. It was horrible.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Stacy Haggard: But I definitely would call it a victory.
David Raubach: There’s been beauty come out of the ashes.
Stacy Haggard: Yes, for sure.
David Raubach: And as you said, there was the possibility that there were two lives that were taken and other lives could have been destroyed. And I think through your faith and courage and diligence, you and Earl have helped pull those three kids out of what could have been a much different ending. And I think you’re right. It is a beautiful and triumphant story. Earl, you must be very proud of your wife for getting this book completed and published.
Earle Haggard: You know, I didn’t I wasn’t able to read that. She wrote that all by herself until right before it went to press. And that’s her way of grieving. You know, Stacy went, she was thrown into, you know, survival mode and kids and I, not only did she lose her best friend, but we lost one of my best friends.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Earle Haggard: And our world was changed upside down. Our biological kids’ world was upside down, and obviously the three angels that we were able to adopt, it wasn’t fair.
David Raubach: Yeah.
Earle Haggard: And for Stacy to be able to document that, and I’m not kidding, like, it’s a miracle. And, you know, I go back and I tell people this, and this is really because of what she’s done, is, you know, if you could go back in 2014 and say, “Oh my gosh, that’s a tragedy.” If you could write what would be the best outcome, in 2000, what would be your best outcome imaginable back then? We live that. Yeah, we are blessed. I think our faith has helped us. Good Lord has guided us. Family has supported us. Business partners have supported us. I mean, we have had our own tribe to help us with that. And we’re just glad that we could be the ones that were chosen to carry this out. So yeah.
David Raubach: Well, thank you guys so much for being willing to share this story both in writing and coming on the podcast today. And for anybody that’s interested in purchasing this book, I know I got it on Amazon. I’m sure there’s other ways to get it. But as with a lot of things on Amazon, you can buy it and get it very quickly after that. So it is amazing. Yeah. Well, thank you guys again so much, and thank you for just being so transparent, Stacy, and being willing to go into so much detail about your sister and her husband and just your family. And again, thank you guys so much.
Stacy Haggard: Thanks for having us.
Earle Haggard: Thank you. Appreciate it.
